Saturday, December 24, 2005

The Whiniest QB

Lets add "most whiny QB" to Michael Vick's well earned "most overrated QB" title.

Look at this article the the LA Times:

"Since 2001, Madden has been the top-selling video game in North America. Now, NFL players themselves are showing signs of obsession — some of them complaining directly to John Madden when they thought the game had shortchanged their skill level.

Atlanta quarterback Michael Vick recently complained to the company that he, not Oakland receiver Randy Moss, should be the fastest player in the game."

You know, if you run that well, move to RB and make room for a QB who (a) can throw, (b) get out of the pocket, and (c) have decision making capabilites that are better than a tapeworms. Maybe his head hit the ground a few times too often in the Bears game.

NFL christmas

'Twas the day before Christmas, and for many teams, today will determine playoff dreams. For S.D. and K.C., the G-Men and Skins, it's time to grab much-needed wins. And out in the tundra, the land of Lambaugh, the Bears might even win two times in row.'

Enough of the rhyming. But the interesting ones will be the Colts-Seahawks game, we'll see how many starters Dungy will keep off the field, maybe get a playoff preview, but more importantly, we'll see how Indy dealt with the loss last week.

Given their records so far, the Monday game won't tell how much the Pats are back, but it could be another unfortuante season where they get back in shape just in thenick of time for the playoffs.

And since I am moving to the Bay Area in a week, lets have the 49ers keep loosing so they can draft someone who's at least played football in college.

Sunday, November 06, 2005


So I just came back from Hawaii (Kauai is wonderful, Maui is brutally overrated). Thanks to some insane Priceline deal, I spent a night at the Grand Waimea Hotel--the place where Orlando's ex worked as a maid.
The place is really amazing with its own wedding chapel on a lake, Polynesian village, and some great bars. But what were they thinking when they picked out the "art" for the lobby???

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Stupid is forever--Ignorance is curable

At least that's what my ethics teacher in high school told me.

Anyway, cheers for Ozzy, jeers for Tony.


OZZY OSBOURNE was far from impressed with British Prime Minister TONY
BLAIR during a recent meeting - because the politician seemed more
interested in picking up music tips than solving the world's problems.

The rocker was left speechless when Blair turned to him during a
high-powered Downing Street party and wanted to talk about BLACK

Ozzy says, "He told me he used to be in a band and I felt like saying,
'You should have stayed.'

"All this Iraq thing's going on and I was amazed that he turned round
to me and said, 'I could never quite understand how to get the riff to
Iron Man.'

"I'm going, 'Kids are dying, people are getting blown up and you're
talking to me about f**king Iron Man.'"

Friday, October 21, 2005

How women's lib ruined America

In the annals of asinine writings about what ails America today, Leon R. Kass, Addie Clark Harding Professor in the Committee on Social Thought and The College at the University of Chicago just created a piece for the ages.

"Her menstrual cycle, since puberty a regular reminder of her naturalmaternal destiny, is now anovulatory and directed instead by her willand her medications, serving goals only of pleasure and convenience,enjoyable without apparent risk to personal health and safety. Womanon the pill is thus not only freed from the practical risk ofpregnancy; she has, wittingly or not, begun to redefine the meaning ofher own womanliness. Her sexuality unlinked to procreation, itsexercise no longer needs to be concerned with the character of herpartner and whether he is suitable to be the father and co-rearer ofher yet-to-be-born children. Female sexuality becomes, like male,unlinked to the future."

"Sex education in our elementary and secondary schools is anindependent yet related obstacle to courtship and marriage."


"Decent sex education at home is also compromised, given that mostparents of today's adolescents were themselves happy sexualrevolutionaries. Dad may now be terribly concerned that his daughternot become promiscuous in high school or college, but he probablyremains glad for the sexual favors bestowed on him by numerous coedswhen he was on campus. ""The problem is not woman's desire for meaningful work. It is ratherthe ordering of one's loves. Many women have managed to combine workand family; the difficulty is finally not work but careers, or,rather, careerism. Careerism, now an equal opportunity affliction, issurely no friend to love or marriage; and the careerist character ofhigher education is greater than ever."

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


There is apparently someone who is able to sell knit superhero jumpers and cross stitched comic book covers for thousands of dollars. Why didn't I think of this?

Monday, October 17, 2005

Skid Row II

"Five portable toilets stand at that corner in the darkened heart of skid row. T.J. says she sometimes has a customer in each of them — a john in every john — and scurries from one to the next, taking care of business.

"I run this corner," says the stocky 52-year-old woman, whose initials stand for Thick and Juicy. "I'm the madam, and those are the cathouses."

T.J., who keeps her wardrobe in one of the outhouses and changes every few hours, is wearing a sheer red top, nothing underneath, and skin-tight black pants."

The LA Times series on the worst corner in Los Angeles that I mentioned yesterday continues.

I don't like to watch

Is it just me, or does this year's new fall line up lack any watchable shows? I really don't expect a new West Wing every year, but the little I have seen is beyond pathetic. Even Salon's I Like To Watch columnist can't seem to find anything watchable. I can't even name a single new show except the soon to be cancelled Nightstalker. Has network TV finally folded completely? Even the spins on older shows are dismal, a prime example is The Amazing Race--Family Edition. It jumped the shark even before it started (Hint: Adding kids to a show kills it faster than an overdose of Vicodin)

This total washout is a bit surprising since there were a couple of watchable summer shows like Wanted. But when the most watchable new show for the fall is Bourdain's parential warning-ed show on the Travel Channel, it's time to dust of the Tivo reruns list. At least we got spared CSI: Denver and Law and Order: Court Stenographer

Son of a preacher man

Or rather daughter of a pastor.

Little Mary Camden is now the "Most Beautiful Woman. As someone who "looks cute in heels" and could stand to loose some strategically located ten pounds, I have a problem with this.

I could deal with Angelina Jolie last year. Nobody seriously wants to date a crazy woman who sleeps with knives. Jennifer Garner had the whole psychotic killer thing working against her. Halle Berry was a bit of a problem, but her Oscar performance put me right back in the cat seat. Guy hate bawling chicks. And then there was Catwoman...

But now the only thing I can do is dye my hair Jessica's color, get on the Brazillian diet pills, and hope she becomes unhinged.

The video iPod

It's not quite there yet, and I won't buy one until the screen is at least twice at large. Which is doable if Apple moves the scroll wheel to the back or makes it virtual, but there are problems with either approach. They'd probably have to think of something different, though.

But the impact of this device might be huge in spite of all the criticisms: podcasting and time shifting TV shows will be big. And there is always podporn, so look out for men in trenchcoats staring at their iPods on the L. Of course they could also just watch last Sunday's sermon. And imagine all of us stylish women being able to catch up on fashion podcasts before getting off at Needless Markups.

So, who will pay $1.99 for 45 minutes of Desperate Housewives? The people who pay $2 for a 30 second ring tone, 99 cents for a 3 minute song, and $50/month for Comcast. And I would shell out $10 for enough shows to watch on a transatlantic flight.

The current video on the iPod is not there yet, but the next one will revolutionize the way we watch--mark my words. (and Mark Cuban's)

I might be wrong and the pros might be right, but as Mark said on Slashdot, their track recordis less than impressive:

Original iPod 2001
"No wireless. Less space than a nomad. Lame."
"Too expensive ($400)"
"Can't use regular batteries"
"No PC support"
"No Games"
"Big flop.. Apple is through"

Second generation 10/20 gig iPods 2002 (PC support)
"Too expensive"
"Can't use regular batteries"
"The 10 gig will cannibalize 20 gig sales"
"Big flop.. Apple is through"

Third generation 10/15/30 gig iPods 2003 w/ITMS and docking
"Too expensive"
"No one wants to buy just one song"
"Not enough titles in ITMS"
"10 gig will cannibalize 15 gig sales"
"Big flop.. Apple is through"

iPod mini 4 gig (end of 2003)
"Too expensive" ($249)
"It's ugly"
"Will cannibalize iPod sales"
"Not enough storage"
"Big flop.. Apple is through"

Fourth generation 20/40 gig iPod 2004 (Clickwheel)
HP Branded iPod
iPod Photo (40/60 gig)
U2 black iPod (October)
"Too expensive" ($299/$399, $499/$599 for photo)
"HP will cannibalize Apple sales"
"No one wants little photos on an iPod"
"Black iPod is ugly"
"Big flop.. Apple is through"

iPod Shuffle 2005
Second generation iPod mini 4/6 gig
"One gig shuffle is too expensive" ($149)
"No screen"
"4 gig mini will cannibalize Shuffle sales"
"6 gig mini will cannibalize iPod sales"
"Shuffles will cannibalize mini sales"
"Big flop.. Apple is through"

iPod nano 2005 (September)
"Too expensive" ($199/$249)
"Should have kept the mini"
"Will cannibalize iPod sales"
"No one will buy the Shuffle now"
"Big flop.. Apple is through"

iPod with Video Playback 30/60 gig (October 2005)
"Too expensive" ($299/$399)
"No one wants little videos"
"Big flop.. Apple is through"

Sunday, October 16, 2005

The wrong fight,for the wrong person, at the wrong time

The Paper of Record finally comes clean on the Valerie Plame-Judith Miller case--sort of.

I have to admit that after reading the article, I am more confused than ever. They went in the face of clear precedent and a SCOTUS decision to defend the indefensible for what more and more looks like a rouge reporter with questionable ethics. In other words, it seems like the Times has been taken for a ride for the third time in as many years. And twice in a row by Judith Miller. If I were a conspiracy theorist with a strong believe in the omnipotence of Karl Rove, I'd suspect that he planted Miller to discredit the liberal press. But since the Times is doing such a good job by themselves, there is really no need.

Todd S. Purdum, a Washington reporter for The Times, probably said it best:

"Everyone admires our paper's willingness to stand behind us and our work, but most people I talk to have been troubled and puzzled by Judy's seeming ability to operate outside of conventional reportorial channels and managerial controls.Partly because of that, many people have worried about whether this was the proper fight to fight."

At least, the Times, unlike FOX News is still allows questioning themselves.

The Making of a 21st Century Soldier

I really like men (and women!!) in uniform. Unfortunately, here in Chicago we only get the Navy during Fleet Week, but the cute white uniforms totally go with my new baby blue Manolos. Anyway, here is an Army grunt that I probably wouldn't consider dating. But his story, published in Esquire, tells a lot about what is going wrong with our armed forces right now--starting with "This guy shold never have passed screening!"

Weird road signs

Some of the more unusual roadside signs I have seen. The street that gets curvy when the temperature drops is from my non-honeymoon in New Zealand. The others are from Aztec, AZ, where my non-inlaws are two out of the six.

Best Ad Writing On eBay Award

Goes to the insecure guy with the leather pants. (Thanks to my homie Paraphilia for sending this.)

You are bidding on a mistake.
We all make mistakes. We date the wrong people for too long. We chew gum with our mouths open. We say inappropriate things in front of grandma.
And we buy leather pants.
I can explain these pants and why they are in my possession. I bought them many, many years ago under the spell of a woman whom I believed to have taste. She suggested I try them on. I did. She said they looked good. I wanted to have a relationship of sorts with her. I’m stupid and prone to impulsive decisions. I bought the pants.
The relationship, probably for better, never materialized. The girl, whose name I can’t even recall, is a distant memory. I think she was short.
Ultimately the pants were placed in the closet where they have remained, unworn, for nearly a decade. I would like to emphasize that: Aside from trying these pants on, they have never, ever been worn. In public or private.
I have not worn these leather pants for the following reasons:
I am not a member of Queen.
I do not like motorcycles.
I am not Rod Stewart.
I am not French.
I do not cruise for transvestites in an expensive sports car.
These were not cheap leather pants. They are Donna Karan leather pants. They’re for men. Brave men, I would think. Perhaps tattooed, pierced men. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say you either have to be very tough, very gay, or very famous to wear these pants and get away with it.
Again, they’re men’s pants, but they’d probably look great on the right lady. Ladies can get away with leather pants much more often than men can. It’s a sad fact that men who own leather pants will have to come to terms with.
They are size 34x34. I am no longer size 34x34, so even were I to suddenly decide I was a famous gay biker I would not be able to wear these pants. These pants are destined for someone else. For reasons unknown - perhaps to keep my options open, in case I wanted to become a pirate - I have shuffled these unworn pants from house to house, closet to closet. Alas, it is now time to part ways so that I may use the extra room for any rhinestone-studded jeans I may purchase in the future.
These pants are in excellent condition. They were never taken on pirate expeditions. They weren’t worn onstage. They didn’t straddle a Harley, or a guy named Harley. They just hung there, sad and ignored, for a few presidencies.
Someone, somewhere, will look great in these pants. I’m hoping that someone is you, or that you can be suckered into buying them by a girl you’re trying to bed.
Please buy these leather pants.


Go see this movie, don't believe the critics. I admit, by all conventional measures, this is a bad movie. But it is so over the top and wacky that it is genuinely funny. And I watched the Family Guy movie with some friends before I went to see it.

Scott seems to be channeling Rodriguez and Tarrentino while on an epic acid trip, but I think he made this movie as a huge joke. Why else would he have an Afghan terrorist and pyromanic as a driver, bounty hunters traveling around in a tricked out RV with applique monkey skulls, and an El Mariachi character. Every time we went "He won't dare....", he did. It's brutal, corny and illogical, but never boring.

All the main characters are in on the joke, and most critics didn't get it--except Roger Ebert, of course.

It's not Oscar material, simply because the Academy will never get it, but it was the most fun I had at the movies all year.


Occasionally, area church signs make me wonder if the posters are
really that innocent, or if someone has a warped sense of humor.
Examples include "Your strongest position is on your knees" and the
immortal "Make room in your bed for Jesus".

But this one clears it right up.

Skid row

The LA Times started a nine page series on Skid Row, the last refuge for drug addicts and other rejects in Los Angeles. Hard to read, but if you want a glimpse what the other side looks like, go read it.