how to loose two friends on one day

blogging from the Cal vs. UT game on an iPhone.

Unfortunately, it's also the hottest day in Berkeley this year.

To Hell with Georgia

Thank you GT. I'll buy you a beer if I ever get to Atlanta again.

Australia pics and 35 other thoughts

I put my unedited Australia pictures up on Google. I'll probably comment more on the trip, but here are some random thoughts:

1. It was awesome. Best vacation ever.
2. Sydneyans are unbelievably rude by American standards.
3. Australian rules public transportation boarding is fun. 
4. The only country I've ever been to where globs of people start off Sunday with a couple of pints (or schooners for that matter).
5. The NSW police breathalized everyone on a main road at 10.30am on a Tuesday!!!
6. Pie Floaters make awesome breakfast food.
7. It's prawns on a barbie fer chrissakes.
8. Ketchup is called tomatoe sauce.
9. Aussies put sun dried tomatoes in everything.
10. Barramundi rocks.
11. Port Douglas had a $2 beer night in honor of Elvis' death.
12. Pie Floaters are awesome hangover food.
13. They ask you if you have a hangover before they let you dive.
14. Getting into a damp wetsuit in 53 degree/30 knot weather blows the big one. 
15. You can get sunburn under water if you wear a shorty.
16. Diving with a hangover can lead to amazing nausea.
17. Parrotfish poop sand.
18. Ayers Rock is a huge rock.
19. Ayers Rock sunsets look better in pictures than life. Even my pictures.
20. I was there on the last day you were allowed to drink at Ayers Rock.
21. Alice Springs is in the middle of fracking nowhere. 
22. Melbourne feels like Canada.
23. QVM is beyond awesome.
24. Drinking coffee in the butcher aisle trickles a gag reflex.
25. One can deep fry meat pies.
26. Kangaroo doesn't taste like chicken.
27. Croc does. 
28. Footy players look unbelievably buff.
29. Footy fans get unbelievably drunk.
30. Most drunk Australians are easier to understand than sober ones.
31. Rugby fans can spend hours explaining the differences between Rugby League rules and Rugby Union rules.
32. Rugby fans can out drink Footy fans. 
33. Aussie can end every sentence with "no worries mate" without cracking up.
34. The South Pacific smells totally different than the North Pacific.
35. Australian Outback in the winter can be frigging cold.

Two more

On Bondi (bon-dai, not bondie) Beach

Somewhere around Byron Bay

How to sign Ahwstralian

Back from OZ. Since I am still loopy from the 14 hour flight and lack of sleep, I'll post pic later. As a teaser, some of the unbelievable, laugh out loud, bang your head against the bulkhead, signs that govern 'stralian life.

Apparently, Paris' fashion line has made it to Melbourne.

Hotel California Station on the Sydney subway

Rule 17 of technical writing: If no one understands the terms, don't use them. 

Ejecting warp core in 3..2..1

Clear and concise

I have on good authority that 90% of the Cassowary victims die of embarrassment after having gotten beat up by a 5 foot turkey.

Shoutout

Go see the Bourne Ultimatum--best action thriller ever. It totally stands head and shoulders above the first two iterations. And, since I hate Matt Damon's guts, I am not saying this lightly. There were one or two small goofs, but it's a hell of a ride. They even clean up most of the red herrings they threw out in the earlier two movies.

Boozed and confused

Wew...we went to Hangar One, an artisan distillery on the old Alameda NAS--yes, the one from Mythbusters. Cool building, great fruit and herb vodkas, but the $10 17 variety tasting flight kicked all three of us on our asses. Imagine 4 shots in the middle of the day.

Best vodka ever: Chipotle
Best liqueur: Smoked Tea and Orange
Best aqua vita: Thai Basi (I even bought a bottle for my parents' christmas present)

Florence y'all

OK, Lake Florence, but it's almost as far off the map as Florence, SC. And about 8000 feet higher.

It's at the end of a 35 mile one lane, curvy road. And in this case, one lane means there is a 1000 foot drop on the one side.

Anyway, the landscape up there is absolutely amazing, you can see from the Kern Range and Sierra Crest almost all the way to Mt. Whitney.

Unfortunately, I couldn't take any pictures of the black bear that tried to get into the food locker Sunday night.

More pictures of Lake Florence and Kings Canyon are over here. 

By the way, if you ever want to stand in a place with a 800 foot drop on either side, I can totally recommend Moro Rock in Sequoia NP 

Great Reality TV

My favorite Victoria quotes:

As soon as I walked in, I didn't know if I should laugh, cry, pass out, or get on the next plane home.

At this point I knew there was only one thing to do. Get more drunk.

I find shopping quite therapeutic. As ridiculous as that sounds.

I've never seen anything like it. Maybe this is normal American behavior.

Shoes can make you feel so good.

In England we have no idea what an earthquake is.

Duck, scream and hold? Can you seen my knickers?

Duck hold on shelter whatever. You just think BLEEEP.

Aren't houses normally build from the ground up? (Actually, she totally deflated the real estate guy)

Ugh, it's exhausting being fabulous.

I love that Spiderman lives down the road.

So I'm gonna go to a sex shop, buy an inflatable doll, dress her up like me...she looks quite startled.

I don't know much about baseball. They wear tight trousers...and one of the guys wears a mask like we saw in the sex shop.

It looks like someone with no taste just came in and thrown up everywhere.

Eddie Murphy, Beverly Hills D**k.

I'm not keen on the glove, I think someone might have sweated into it. (at a little league game)

But now I'm getting my trainers dirty. (In Dodgers Stadium)

I think everyone it just thinking "You Stupid Tart"!

I did feel that one of my silicones was gonna fly out my armpit then.

----------------

On the bright side, she totally got back at the CA DMV for me.

AP's Stonehenge Moment

(07-15) 19:40 PDT TOKYO, Japan (AP) --
A strong earthquake jolted northwestern Japan on Monday morning and caused buildings in the capital Tokyo to sway. The Meteorological Agency said small tsunamis as high as 20 inches were believed to have hit coasts in the area.

Best food ever

So after schlepping through the Chron endorsed "up and coming" Western Addition (they have a long way to go to reach ground level along Divisadero and the Chron editor should be fired), I made my way back to the Boulagerie at Cali and Fillmore to get enough Croissant pudding to get me through the week.

It's basically bread pudding made from leftover croissants and tons of eggs, butter, and cream. Very dense, about eleventy billion calories per slice, but OH SO GOOD. I behaved myself and only ate one before even reaching the corner. If any bakery has it where you live; run, don't walk and get some.

Death and mortality

Well, the first thought of the day was "I am dying". Partly a bit of a hangover, but mostly that I was peeing a dark red liquid. I didn't panic and call 911, but very calmly--thinking about Dengue Fever, kidney cancer, and other assorted illnesses--went to my computer, googled the Muir Medical Center and called to set up a inevitable doctors' visit. Maybe a MRI. Of course the lines were busy, so I went to the kitchen to clean a bit and make coffee (typical displacement behavior). About halfway through, I put back the annatto seeds I used for the chicken marinade yesterday, quickly hung up the phone, thanked various deities that JMMC does not use caller ID on non-emergency calls, and added a huge shot of whiskey to the coffee mug.

オタク

Dorkus Californicus: An Explorers Diary

On Friday, the 29th of June in the year of the lord 2007, a few friends and I went on an expedition to observe the Common West Coast Dork (dorkus califonicus) in it's natural habitat.

17:45 -- The 4 hour managers meeting finally ends. I drop my laptop on my desk, grab my cell phone and jog over to the parking garage, calling my co-explorers on the way over to reconfirm the meeting point

17:54 -- After a short, but harrowing trip down I-680, a 5 lane exit swoop, and two traffic lights, I park at the old Andronico's garage and power walk the one block down to B&N, the well known purveyors of crappy books.


17:55 -- The first dorkus come within sight.

17:56 -- We meet up and set up our main blind outside California Pizza Kitchen across the street from the dorkus' feeding grounds. Drea has devastating news: Prima is full, so we frantically send out an expedition to secure a table at Va de Vi around the corner.

17:58 -- We settle down, break out the lattes and start observing the about 250 dorks who have lined up so far. Much to my surprise, only about half of the assembled specimens were the expected dorkus geekus, dorkus basementdwellerus, and dorkus hipsterus. In addition to a strong showing of dorka mallrattia and materna soccera, there are many normal looking people.
17:59 -- Closer to the source, dorkus dorkus takes over, though, easily recognizable by his plummage

And by white on blue territorial markers.


17:59:30 -- Intrepid ABC journos are also out in full force. From the look on the reporter's face, she'd very much prefer Falludja right now.

18:00 -- A collective sigh followed by hollering and clapping as THE SOURCE opens.
18:01 -- The first dorkus has captured it's prey and performs a wild dance to the whistling and clapping of the entire line before he is set upon by ABC 7's local interest reporter. (I think that job would make me kill myself). While she gushes into the camera, ABC cable guy 50 feet back is overheard cussing about 'fucking idiots, waste of time, and why can't they release this BEFORE the weekend.
18:10 -- The hunt is now in full swing: every 30-40 seconds, a new dorkus catches its prey, the line keeps hollering and high five-ing every time another dorkus leaves. It slowly gets boring, so we repair to Va to an expedition dinner.
8:10 -- One frisee salad and dungeness crab pot pie later, we walk back past the feeding ground. The line is still evident, but shorter now. Nobody from the first pride still seems to be in line, so at least $120,000 have been regurgitated.
8:11 -- We stumble across one of many dorkus debris piles



8:15 -- On the way back to my car, I spot a rare dorkus moorus with trademark Crocs. No line here.

Ah, Shakespeare

From the Friday morning meeting at Apple Stores...

He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Jobs.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is the iPhone Day.'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on iPhones Day.'
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
I the Pod, Lisa and Macintosh,
Jaguar and Panther, Tiger and Leopard-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Job's RDF shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in Gatesland now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon iPhone's day."

1 for 2

I was planning to go whale watching and to Pride this weekend. The whale trip got cancelled due to 12 foot waves at the Farallons, so I caught up on laundry and getting a tan at the pool.

Sunday, the 4 hour Pride parade blew through town. Mostly PG, and many couples marched down Market with their parents or children--Nothing like the Folsom Street Fair. Even the SFPD officers walked hand in hand with their domestic partners; and totally-not-gay mayor Newsom shook hands in a storm of wolf whistles.

Naturally, since the route goes right through the tenderloin, the gays totally freaked out the homeless. One guy 50 feet down from where I was kept howling "You fags will all go to hell" less and less coherently for about 2 hours until he finally passed out from the fortified wine.

Pics

ARRRRRRR!!!

Long story, but I got roped into manning Ye Olde Meat Pie Stand at the NoCal Pirate Festival. Load of wenches, drunks, and people with heat stroke and symptoms of overdoing Ye Olde Turkey Legs two stands over.

Guy on left got his ring caught in guy on the right's beard

I have seen this costume before, but I can't remember where

Marilyn Manson has a sister

Ron Jeremy is a pirate

Don't Stop Believing is a pirate song

Bermudas take away from the biker image

Obviously manned by Baristas

Ron White is right! When you hold a woman in a seashell

bra to your ear, you can hear her scream. 

(PS: Check out the chicken bone boots on the guy on the left) 

. 

I've arrived...

...I think...it took me about 10 minutes to find it weird that half the people in the Muni car were wearing monkey suits.

They all were on their way to the Haight Ashbury Street Fair. As usual for SF festivals, it brought together billowing clouds of burnt chicken teriyaki smoke, hammering House and Dance, Hare Krishnas, drag queens, and people clandestinely selling brownies out of backpacks.

So not a bad day, but given the location, I would have expected the Dead and CCR, not half the California MCs. Great brownies, though....

I hate down climbing granite...

It's perfectly safe to walk down 45 degree granite slopes, but is scares the hell out of me. Especially when the next level surface is 2000 feet down.

Oh, I also got a sunburn. And some pictures.

Tuolumne meadows

Yosemite Valley from Sentinel Dome

Hetch Hetchy

Truthiness in Advertising

Awesome site comparing the ad pictures with what the fast food places actually serve. Hey, the Filet O'Seafood Parts And Plankton almost looks like in the flyer.