trivia

Did you know that Penny Johnson was Tina Tech?

Episode 2

A couple of weeks ago, I posted a link of the bestest Christmas music video ever. Guess what, someone did a tribute ep2 that made me--to quote my buddy Jay--almost pee my pants.

FUCK!!! I MISSED THIS!!!

I blame Chris and Justine for not telling me about it.

Verizon

I finally worked up the courage to call Verizon to cancel my second cell phone. The call went somewhat like this:

• robot: Welcome to Verizon Wireless. Please enter your 10 digit number
• robot: For billing dial 1...for other services dial 7
• robot: To cancel your account dial 2
• human: Hi, I'm Julie, can I have the last 4 digits of your SS#?
• me: xxxx
• Julie: What can I do for you today?
• me: I'd like to cancel my cell phone contract. 
• Julie: I am sorry to hear that, we'll cancel it at the end of this billing cycle on 12/18. You will receive a confirmation email. 
• me: blblblblblblbblblbl OK, thanks.
• Julie: Have a nice day, thanks for using Verizon.

I'm flabbergasted. Did Julie just have an off day, or is there really a US company who doesn't fight you tooth and nail before allowing you to drop their service? Anyway, yay for them. 

A.W.E.S.O.M.E

A good many people find comfort in faith after traumatic events, and a few of them go on to the ministry or find other ways to spread the word. This guy totally went above and beyond. 

Choking on Apples

I just saw on the web that Apple opened a new store on Chestnut. Now I sorta like Apple, but this just depressed the hell out of me.

Let me explain. One of the great things about the Bay Area (San Jose excluded) is the abundance of shopping streets that feature mostly local stores like Zinc, Heidi Says, small boutiques, socially conscious stores, or local chains like Barney's (best burgers on the planet), Le Boulangerie, A.G. Ferrari, and so on. Some examples are Filmore, Union, and Hayes in SF; Solano in Albany, and Shattuck/Telegraph in Berkeley. 

All of them have a few blemishes, but the big chains are usually relegated to downtown SF and upscale malls like Emeryville, Walnut Creek and Santana Row. 

Even thought Chestnut is in the middle of the Marina aka DINK/DIWK central, it was one of the streets that has tons of cool local stuff. Obviously, the GAP, Williams Sonoma, and the Lucky Jeans store took away some of it, but an Apple store is probably the death knell to the area. 

I got used to Diesel on Castro (after all, the gays need to get their jeans somewhere), but the GAP on the corner of Haight and Ashbury still chaffs my ass. 

So, how long until a Banana Republic is going to ruin Fillmore or Hayes?

Literature on Wikipedia

"Chaucer's language is much closer to modern English than the text of Beowulf"

NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!!!

Point Reyes

Sis was here

My 5'11" baby sister was in town last week. -- I am obviously the smart one in the family. As usual when she shows up anywhere, it was raining cats and dogs. IMO, she actually caused the worst flooding in Las Vegas in the 20th century when she and I took a trip there in 1999. 

Great times were had, and she did drink less than the pictures suggest, but as a good German, 5 craft beers on the first night are about par for the course. 

The pics are from SF, Hwy 1, Carmel, Pebble Beach, Sacramento, and Placerville (the more PR name of Hangtown, CA) 

Here Be Hippies

Weird, up to now, I've never taken pictures in Bolinas, the self-proclaimed socially-acknowledged nature loving town. Yep, it's the original home town of the hippie surf bum. It's an amazingly beautiful place, though, and the vegetarian food is great.

Funnily, it's about a 50 foot channel away from a gated community on the spit in Stinson Beach, one of the most expensive places on the Pacific. 

Even the dogs are stoned.

God my life is boring

I am now rating TV shows. Anyway, the best shows currently on TV are:

1. Top Gear (see below). The show yesterday really put it over the top. Buy some $1000 cars from Miami drug dealers, write Man Love Rocks on them in pink and drive them through Alabama. -- 25 minutes into the show, the cameramen have to hide Iraq-style when the cars get stoned at a Alabama gas station. Oh, and they get sued by a woman who they donated the Camaro to.
2. Bizarre Foods. Nice travel show and the only one that made me throw up. Thanks for the live frog and the rank meat breakfast.
3. Bones. Not as good as last year, but still a hoot.
4. LA Ink--home of the most stoned and tatted chicks on tube. As well as quality dialog like: "Uh Dude, I was like "Uh Dude"." 
5. ANTM and Top Chef. I have to rank them together because I can't make it through a full episode of either, but since they are on at the same time, rapid flicking back and forth is highly entertaining. Tyra rulz as bitch from hell.

Two other shows I watch, but only when I happen upon them are Bionic Woman (purely for the involuntary comedic value, although it only misses so-bad-it's-good by a hair) and Weeds (I LOVE LOVE LOVE Marie-Louise Parker, but the writing has really taken a header off a cliff some time last year).

Please FCC, bring a-la-carte cable, I only need 5 channels.

Top Gear

If you have extended cable, watch it.

If you have a DVR, tape it.

If you can get to YouTube, watch the clips.

Seriously, it's the best show on television. If you only count shows where all protagonists are completely, utterly, certifiably bonkers, stone drunk, coked up to the eyeballs--and proud of it. Imagine The Young Ones hosting a car show.

Hi, I'm Lars and I love my iPhone

I don't think I am in need to join the IA yet, but the iPhone was the best tech buy this year (closely followed by the flat screen I bought for my birthday).

• It keeps me from getting bored--web browsing anywhere, any time
• It's the first gadget ever that had 20 people and counting walk up to ask me about it
• It got me a table and excellent service at Slanted Door (you have to live in SF to understand how impossible it is to even get a reservation)
• It makes me not mind going to a restaurant on my own--I can browse the web or do email while I wait
• Raomi is awesome, especially if you take a date home and open the door to a play list
• Munitime is awesomer (for the non-SF people, Muni has perfected the random schedule)
• Being able to check opening hours of a gold mine from a state park is awesomest. 
• Visual Voicemail is worth the price of admission alone: delete voicemails without having to listen ever
• It let me leech WiFi of the Australian Federal Police at Sydney International
• It let me survive the SFO-SYD-SFO flight with 10 episodes of Bones
• It let me Skype my family from any hotspot in Oz
• It takes war driving to a whole new level
• There are these two companies called Linksys and Default that offer free WiFi all over the place
• It shows me real time traffic on the 80s
• I can blog from the bleachers--and check all NCAA scores at Pyramid Ale
• "Hey, do you want to see 2000 vacation pictures?" gets rid of the most obnoxious opposite
• I only found one place in NorCal where I couldn't get to the web
• And last but not least, my company picks up the tab

Three wishes

1. Unlocked SIM (thanks hackers)
2. 3.5G
3. GPS

Cindy has too much time....

Anyway, to give her something to do while she visits a friend she hasn't seen in years. 

1. Do you have a tattoo?
2. How old are you?
3. Are you single or taken?
4. Fish?
5. Do you dream in color?
6. Ever seen a corpse?
7. Hipsters or Hillbillies?
8. How did we meet?
9. What’s your philosophy on life and death?
10. If you could do anything with me, and have no one know, what would it be?
11. Do you trust the police?
12. Do you like musicals?
13. What is your fondest memory of me?
14. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be?
15. Would you cheat?
16. What are you wearing?
17. Have you ever peed in a pool?
18. Would you hide evidence for me if I asked you to?
19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
20. Which do you prefer - short or long hair?
21. What’s your favorite day of the week?
22. What’s your favorite color?
23. If you could bring back anyone that has passed, who would it be?
24. Tell me one interesting/odd fact about you?
25. What was your first impression of me?
26. Have you ever done drugs?
27. If we were locked in an elevator together, what would you want to discuss?
28. What is your favorite meal to have when you’re on a date?
29. If there is any habit you have that you could change - what is it?
30. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

P.S. My answers are here

Weekend of bat shit insanity, Day 2

As I mentioned yesterday, the Folsom Fair (pics)was on. They have cheaper food, better DJs, and much nicer people.

So I rolled out of bed bright and early.....uh, make that creaked out of bed at 11 with a massive hangover (thank you Love Fest after party), took in a quintuple shot cappuchino, and hauled my fully clad ass downtown again. It was a bit more sedate than last year, they downgraded the charity booth from flogging to spanking and fewer people wore really outrageous costumes.

If you're ever in SF on the last weekend in September, go, the people are super nice. I asked one queen where she got her awesome vintage 50s glasses and she even called the store on her cell when she couldn't remember the address.

This guy is the best DJ. He's here every year.

Weekend of bat shit insanity, Day 1

It's not that SF has a monopoly on whacko behavior, but we do our best to pretend. So to avoid a letdown between Burning Man and Halloween, we slip in the Love Weekend. Saturday is the SF Love Parade aka The Biggest Rave between NYC and Yokohama. Followed tomorrow by the Folsom Street Leather Fair--and they're not talking handbags.

Great music, they serve beer, teriyaki sticks and fries. And tons of cute people in neon.

Unfortunately, SF is also the only town where people hippie dance to House.

Pics are over here

And here's a video for Cindy.

Accidental housekeeping tip

I mixed up the dish detergent and the drain cleaner bottles this morning. Never have my dishwasher and dishes been more sparkling. 

It even takes patina off steel. Of course I had to run them through again to get rig of the chlorine smell. 

Seperated at birth?

After my buddy Michelle pointed out that the lead singer in the Twisted Christmas video looks like Sarah Jessica Parker, I'm starting the think that Jess really styles herself after Dee Snider.

• Same hair
• Same amount of make up
• Same mouth

..and arguably, the same personal shopper.

Gay moment of the month

Watching Fashion Police's Emmys Edition last night, I said that Jamie Presley's dress looked "matronly" 5 seconds before Carson Kressley did. 

Lets count the levels of gay:

1. I watch Fashion Police
2. With friends
3. I know who Carson Kressley is
4. I use words like "matronly"
5. I critique dresses faster than Carson
6. I recognize Dolce AND Gabanna
7. ...

In my defense, Daisy Fuentes was smoking!!!

P.S. Fashion tip for presenters: Don't wear a mini dress when you are sitting squarely in front of the camera unless you are Sharon Stone. 

Acrosanti in NYT

The NYT has an article about Arcosanti.

Definitely one of the weirdest places I've ever been to (I went for a Soleri seminar a few years ago). Kinda like if you crossbreed hippies with the crew from StarTrek. In other words, a place from the future that time has passed by.
It's strangely elating and depressing at the same time.Soleri is getting desperately old, and I am not sure if his idea of the acrology will die with him, but it's probably the last piece of we-can-do-it 50s spirit left in the world.

All these contradictions:

• A new world without ethernet
• The future of architecture, financed by handmade gongs and  tschotchkes
• Architects and hippies--the fundraiser the night I spent there was some Indian (as the continent, not the surrounding native American tribes) flute player
• Visions about a city for 100 millions with the organizational skill of a NPR bake sale
• An old, old person talking to people in their 20s and 30s about the future of human habitation

Actually, it's very potent memory. Go if you can, if not, watch Logan's Run, Arcosanti is like that--without the sky trains and the Sandmen.

On the other hand, it'll never be finished....and I am not sure if it's a noble failure, or just a monument to stubbornness and refusal to adapt to a changing world.

Why BBC beats the crap out of PBS

The British equivalent of Motorweek: 

• Top Gear is testing cars by playing soccer with them.
  
• And converting Mercedes into 60mph cottages with tile floors and a wood stove

I feel so much safer now

KATMANDU, Nepal: Nepal's state run airline sacrificed two goats earlier this week, hoping it would please the gods and resolve technical problems with a troubled jet, officials said Thursday.

One of the airline's two Boeing 757 aircraft has been grounded for maintenance since last month. The other jet has suffered technical problems that forced the airline to cancel several flights, stranding passengers.

Hoping to end those problems, the airline sacrificed the goats earlier this week, according to an airline official who spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak to reporters.

12 silver crosses

11 black mascaras, ten pairs of platforms, nine tattered T-shirts, eight pentagrams, seven leather jackets, six cans of hair spray, five skullhead rings, four quarts of Jack, three studded belts, two pairs of spandex pants, and a tattoo of Ozzy.

In other words, after seeing this awesome video on YouTube, I started the Christmas season only a few weeks after US retail by dusting off Twisted Christmas in my iTunes library. Still as awesome as last year. 

So, buy it, steal it, torrent it, bring it to your in-laws on the 25th, and live happily ever after. 

Smokeyyyyy

Oh yeah, we have terrific sunrises right now thanks to the idiot who started a wildfire 50 miles south.

Quiet sophistication

This one's for Cindy. Since there's not much going on this week (recovering from two weeks in Australia, jet lag, a hard week at work, the Cal game and the heat wave), here's the play list I just burned on CD for use while driving. It really quietens me down in Bay Area traffic.

Now you can go ridicule me for the rest of the day.

Someone please serve coffee before the game

31-21 at the half, whew. But Cal can't go on having to score 4TD every game just to make up for blowing coverage 4 times each game.

If I ever...

...catch the IDIOT who handed out magaphones to the Cal fans!!!

how to loose two friends on one day

blogging from the Cal vs. UT game on an iPhone.

Unfortunately, it's also the hottest day in Berkeley this year.

To Hell with Georgia

Thank you GT. I'll buy you a beer if I ever get to Atlanta again.

Australia pics and 35 other thoughts

I put my unedited Australia pictures up on Google. I'll probably comment more on the trip, but here are some random thoughts:

1. It was awesome. Best vacation ever.
2. Sydneyans are unbelievably rude by American standards.
3. Australian rules public transportation boarding is fun. 
4. The only country I've ever been to where globs of people start off Sunday with a couple of pints (or schooners for that matter).
5. The NSW police breathalized everyone on a main road at 10.30am on a Tuesday!!!
6. Pie Floaters make awesome breakfast food.
7. It's prawns on a barbie fer chrissakes.
8. Ketchup is called tomatoe sauce.
9. Aussies put sun dried tomatoes in everything.
10. Barramundi rocks.
11. Port Douglas had a $2 beer night in honor of Elvis' death.
12. Pie Floaters are awesome hangover food.
13. They ask you if you have a hangover before they let you dive.
14. Getting into a damp wetsuit in 53 degree/30 knot weather blows the big one. 
15. You can get sunburn under water if you wear a shorty.
16. Diving with a hangover can lead to amazing nausea.
17. Parrotfish poop sand.
18. Ayers Rock is a huge rock.
19. Ayers Rock sunsets look better in pictures than life. Even my pictures.
20. I was there on the last day you were allowed to drink at Ayers Rock.
21. Alice Springs is in the middle of fracking nowhere. 
22. Melbourne feels like Canada.
23. QVM is beyond awesome.
24. Drinking coffee in the butcher aisle trickles a gag reflex.
25. One can deep fry meat pies.
26. Kangaroo doesn't taste like chicken.
27. Croc does. 
28. Footy players look unbelievably buff.
29. Footy fans get unbelievably drunk.
30. Most drunk Australians are easier to understand than sober ones.
31. Rugby fans can spend hours explaining the differences between Rugby League rules and Rugby Union rules.
32. Rugby fans can out drink Footy fans. 
33. Aussie can end every sentence with "no worries mate" without cracking up.
34. The South Pacific smells totally different than the North Pacific.
35. Australian Outback in the winter can be frigging cold.

Two more

On Bondi (bon-dai, not bondie) Beach

Somewhere around Byron Bay

How to sign Ahwstralian

Back from OZ. Since I am still loopy from the 14 hour flight and lack of sleep, I'll post pic later. As a teaser, some of the unbelievable, laugh out loud, bang your head against the bulkhead, signs that govern 'stralian life.

Apparently, Paris' fashion line has made it to Melbourne.

Hotel California Station on the Sydney subway

Rule 17 of technical writing: If no one understands the terms, don't use them. 

Ejecting warp core in 3..2..1

Clear and concise

I have on good authority that 90% of the Cassowary victims die of embarrassment after having gotten beat up by a 5 foot turkey.

Shoutout

Go see the Bourne Ultimatum--best action thriller ever. It totally stands head and shoulders above the first two iterations. And, since I hate Matt Damon's guts, I am not saying this lightly. There were one or two small goofs, but it's a hell of a ride. They even clean up most of the red herrings they threw out in the earlier two movies.

Boozed and confused

Wew...we went to Hangar One, an artisan distillery on the old Alameda NAS--yes, the one from Mythbusters. Cool building, great fruit and herb vodkas, but the $10 17 variety tasting flight kicked all three of us on our asses. Imagine 4 shots in the middle of the day.

Best vodka ever: Chipotle
Best liqueur: Smoked Tea and Orange
Best aqua vita: Thai Basi (I even bought a bottle for my parents' christmas present)

Florence y'all

OK, Lake Florence, but it's almost as far off the map as Florence, SC. And about 8000 feet higher.

It's at the end of a 35 mile one lane, curvy road. And in this case, one lane means there is a 1000 foot drop on the one side.

Anyway, the landscape up there is absolutely amazing, you can see from the Kern Range and Sierra Crest almost all the way to Mt. Whitney.

Unfortunately, I couldn't take any pictures of the black bear that tried to get into the food locker Sunday night.

More pictures of Lake Florence and Kings Canyon are over here. 

By the way, if you ever want to stand in a place with a 800 foot drop on either side, I can totally recommend Moro Rock in Sequoia NP 

Great Reality TV

My favorite Victoria quotes:

As soon as I walked in, I didn't know if I should laugh, cry, pass out, or get on the next plane home.

At this point I knew there was only one thing to do. Get more drunk.

I find shopping quite therapeutic. As ridiculous as that sounds.

I've never seen anything like it. Maybe this is normal American behavior.

Shoes can make you feel so good.

In England we have no idea what an earthquake is.

Duck, scream and hold? Can you seen my knickers?

Duck hold on shelter whatever. You just think BLEEEP.

Aren't houses normally build from the ground up? (Actually, she totally deflated the real estate guy)

Ugh, it's exhausting being fabulous.

I love that Spiderman lives down the road.

So I'm gonna go to a sex shop, buy an inflatable doll, dress her up like me...she looks quite startled.

I don't know much about baseball. They wear tight trousers...and one of the guys wears a mask like we saw in the sex shop.

It looks like someone with no taste just came in and thrown up everywhere.

Eddie Murphy, Beverly Hills D**k.

I'm not keen on the glove, I think someone might have sweated into it. (at a little league game)

But now I'm getting my trainers dirty. (In Dodgers Stadium)

I think everyone it just thinking "You Stupid Tart"!

I did feel that one of my silicones was gonna fly out my armpit then.

----------------

On the bright side, she totally got back at the CA DMV for me.

AP's Stonehenge Moment

(07-15) 19:40 PDT TOKYO, Japan (AP) --
A strong earthquake jolted northwestern Japan on Monday morning and caused buildings in the capital Tokyo to sway. The Meteorological Agency said small tsunamis as high as 20 inches were believed to have hit coasts in the area.

Best food ever

So after schlepping through the Chron endorsed "up and coming" Western Addition (they have a long way to go to reach ground level along Divisadero and the Chron editor should be fired), I made my way back to the Boulagerie at Cali and Fillmore to get enough Croissant pudding to get me through the week.

It's basically bread pudding made from leftover croissants and tons of eggs, butter, and cream. Very dense, about eleventy billion calories per slice, but OH SO GOOD. I behaved myself and only ate one before even reaching the corner. If any bakery has it where you live; run, don't walk and get some.

Death and mortality

Well, the first thought of the day was "I am dying". Partly a bit of a hangover, but mostly that I was peeing a dark red liquid. I didn't panic and call 911, but very calmly--thinking about Dengue Fever, kidney cancer, and other assorted illnesses--went to my computer, googled the Muir Medical Center and called to set up a inevitable doctors' visit. Maybe a MRI. Of course the lines were busy, so I went to the kitchen to clean a bit and make coffee (typical displacement behavior). About halfway through, I put back the annatto seeds I used for the chicken marinade yesterday, quickly hung up the phone, thanked various deities that JMMC does not use caller ID on non-emergency calls, and added a huge shot of whiskey to the coffee mug.

オタク

Dorkus Californicus: An Explorers Diary

On Friday, the 29th of June in the year of the lord 2007, a few friends and I went on an expedition to observe the Common West Coast Dork (dorkus califonicus) in it's natural habitat.

17:45 -- The 4 hour managers meeting finally ends. I drop my laptop on my desk, grab my cell phone and jog over to the parking garage, calling my co-explorers on the way over to reconfirm the meeting point

17:54 -- After a short, but harrowing trip down I-680, a 5 lane exit swoop, and two traffic lights, I park at the old Andronico's garage and power walk the one block down to B&N, the well known purveyors of crappy books.


17:55 -- The first dorkus come within sight.

17:56 -- We meet up and set up our main blind outside California Pizza Kitchen across the street from the dorkus' feeding grounds. Drea has devastating news: Prima is full, so we frantically send out an expedition to secure a table at Va de Vi around the corner.

17:58 -- We settle down, break out the lattes and start observing the about 250 dorks who have lined up so far. Much to my surprise, only about half of the assembled specimens were the expected dorkus geekus, dorkus basementdwellerus, and dorkus hipsterus. In addition to a strong showing of dorka mallrattia and materna soccera, there are many normal looking people.
17:59 -- Closer to the source, dorkus dorkus takes over, though, easily recognizable by his plummage

And by white on blue territorial markers.


17:59:30 -- Intrepid ABC journos are also out in full force. From the look on the reporter's face, she'd very much prefer Falludja right now.

18:00 -- A collective sigh followed by hollering and clapping as THE SOURCE opens.
18:01 -- The first dorkus has captured it's prey and performs a wild dance to the whistling and clapping of the entire line before he is set upon by ABC 7's local interest reporter. (I think that job would make me kill myself). While she gushes into the camera, ABC cable guy 50 feet back is overheard cussing about 'fucking idiots, waste of time, and why can't they release this BEFORE the weekend.
18:10 -- The hunt is now in full swing: every 30-40 seconds, a new dorkus catches its prey, the line keeps hollering and high five-ing every time another dorkus leaves. It slowly gets boring, so we repair to Va to an expedition dinner.
8:10 -- One frisee salad and dungeness crab pot pie later, we walk back past the feeding ground. The line is still evident, but shorter now. Nobody from the first pride still seems to be in line, so at least $120,000 have been regurgitated.
8:11 -- We stumble across one of many dorkus debris piles



8:15 -- On the way back to my car, I spot a rare dorkus moorus with trademark Crocs. No line here.

Ah, Shakespeare

From the Friday morning meeting at Apple Stores...

He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Jobs.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is the iPhone Day.'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on iPhones Day.'
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
I the Pod, Lisa and Macintosh,
Jaguar and Panther, Tiger and Leopard-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Job's RDF shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in Gatesland now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon iPhone's day."

1 for 2

I was planning to go whale watching and to Pride this weekend. The whale trip got cancelled due to 12 foot waves at the Farallons, so I caught up on laundry and getting a tan at the pool.

Sunday, the 4 hour Pride parade blew through town. Mostly PG, and many couples marched down Market with their parents or children--Nothing like the Folsom Street Fair. Even the SFPD officers walked hand in hand with their domestic partners; and totally-not-gay mayor Newsom shook hands in a storm of wolf whistles.

Naturally, since the route goes right through the tenderloin, the gays totally freaked out the homeless. One guy 50 feet down from where I was kept howling "You fags will all go to hell" less and less coherently for about 2 hours until he finally passed out from the fortified wine.

Pics

ARRRRRRR!!!

Long story, but I got roped into manning Ye Olde Meat Pie Stand at the NoCal Pirate Festival. Load of wenches, drunks, and people with heat stroke and symptoms of overdoing Ye Olde Turkey Legs two stands over.

Guy on left got his ring caught in guy on the right's beard

I have seen this costume before, but I can't remember where

Marilyn Manson has a sister

Ron Jeremy is a pirate

Don't Stop Believing is a pirate song

Bermudas take away from the biker image

Obviously manned by Baristas

Ron White is right! When you hold a woman in a seashell

bra to your ear, you can hear her scream. 

(PS: Check out the chicken bone boots on the guy on the left) 

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